How to show up for someone’s who’s grieving.  

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt through my own experience of grieving my darling mum, it’s that grief is not linear. It doesn’t move neatly through stages and arrive at acceptance on a predictable schedule. It really does come in waves. It shows up on a random Tuesday, eighteen months later, when you least expect it. It can feel huge on a day that looks ordinary from the outside, or strangely okay on a day that should be hard. 

No, grief is not linear. And it’s important that we remember this when someone we know is grieving the loss of someone they love. Because if we believe grief has an endpoint, we stop checking in.  

How to keep showing up: 

• Set a calendar reminder for anniversaries, birthdays and important dates 
• Check in regularly, without pressure or expectation 
• Ask how they are genuinely, and listen to their reply without trying to fix anything 
• Talk about their person. Say their name. Most people want to remember the person they’ve lost 
• Let them know they can always opt in or out of things without explanation or judgement 
• Continue to offer specific, useful, practical help that might lighten their load when grief gets heavy 

Grief doesn’t have an end date, nor should our support.