Helping someone stay connected to the things they love

When someone you love is going through a tough time, it’s natural to want to make life easier for them. 

So, we stop asking them to things because they’ve got enough going on. We don’t bother them with the silly day to day. We assume they won’t be up for book club, Friday drinks or watching the kids play footy. 

We mean well. 

But if we’re not careful, we can accidentally stop including them before they’ve decided for themselves. 

One of the simplest things we can do is keep them included. 

Keep sending the invitations, but that with zero pressure. 

“We’re going for breakfast on Sunday. Absolutely no pressure, but we’d love you there if you feel up to it.” 

And if getting there is the problem, see if you can make it easier. Offer a lift. Let them know it’s okay to leave early. Zoom them into book club. Take them to watch the game even if they can’t play. 

Let them decide what they’re up for rather than deciding for them. 

And keep them in the loop. 

When someone can’t be around as much, they can slowly lose touch with all the ordinary stuff happening around them. 

Send the photos from Saturday. Tell them who said what at run club. Keep them across what’s happening at the local sports club. Voice note them the ridiculous story from work that would normally have them in stitches. 

It might feel completely unimportant compared with what they’re going through. 

That’s kind of the point. 

Sometimes hearing about something wonderfully ordinary is exactly what someone needs. 

Most importantly, remember they’re still them. 

When something big happens, conversations can quickly become all about appointments, treatment, caring, grief or “How are you going?” 

Ask about the other stuff too. Their opinions. Their interests. The show you both watch. The project they were working on. The things you know they love. 

They are more than the difficult thing happening in their life.