How to spot when a carer might be struggling

Carers usually look like they’re coping. 

They get everyone where they need to be. Remember the appointments. Pick up the prescriptions. Keep the house running. Answer messages. Make dinner. Do the washing. And when someone asks how things are going, they say, “Yeah, we’re getting there.” 

From the outside, everything might look like it’s under control. 

But getting everything done and being okay are not always the same thing. 

When someone’s been caring for a long time, it can be easy for the people around them to stop noticing just how much they’re carrying. Caring becomes part of everyday life. And because caring responsibilities often build up over time, we don’t notice the load they’re carrying is getting heavier by the day. 

It’s easy to assume they’ve got it covered. 

Sometimes they do. 

But sometimes they’re struggling. 

They might: 

• Keep cancelling plans or stop doing things they used to enjoy 

• Seem permanently tired or overwhelmed 

• Be harder to get hold of 

• Talk about the person they care for, but rarely about themselves 

• Be doing everything themselves, with very little time away from caring 

None of these things necessarily mean someone isn’t coping. But they can be a good reason to lean in a little closer. 

If you notice someone might be struggling, don’t wait for them to ask for help. Think about what might make their week a little easier and what you could practically do. 

Try: 

“I’m heading to the supermarket on Saturday. Send me your list and I’ll do your shopping while I’m there.” 

“I’ve got a couple of hours free on Wednesday. Would it help if I came and sat with your mum so you could get out for a bit?”