Emily’s Story: A photo a day

Someone I love was going through a really tough time. 

Her instinct was to retreat. She didn’t want to talk about what was happening and, from where I was standing, I had no idea how to help. 

I wanted to check in, but “How are you?” felt like a question she didn’t have the energy to answer. I didn’t want to keep asking her to talk when she clearly didn’t have the capacity for those conversations.  

Luckily, I work for Gather My Crew, where I hear stories every day about the different ways people find to support the people they love. 

Susan, our CEO, reminded me of a story we’d heard from one of our app users about something they called ‘sustaining’. 

The idea was simple: when someone doesn’t have the capacity to communicate, you find a small way every day to keep the connection between you going, with no expectation that they give anything back. 

So, I started sending a photo every day. 

A beautiful flower I’d walked past. My ridiculous dog. A sunset. Something funny. Something lovely. Something I knew she might like. 

No “How are you?” 
No question to answer. 
No need to reply. 

Sometimes I’d get a heart. Sometimes I’d get a short message. Mostly, I got no response at all. 

But I kept sending them anyway. 

Months later, when my friend had come through the other side of her tough time, she told me how much those photos had meant to her. During some of the darkest moments of her life, when she didn’t have the capacity to talk about what was happening, those little messages had reminded her that I was there, that she was loved, and she could take as much time as she liked because I wasn’t going anywhere. 

They had, indeed, sustained her. 

We often think staying connected means having conversations. Checking in. Getting a response. Knowing what’s going on. 

But sometimes it can be much simpler than that.