When someone has cancer  

When someone you know is diagnosed with cancer, it can feel heavy. 
You want to help, fix, and make it better. That instinct is human, and it’s beautiful and we think you are wonderful for caring so much. 
 
It’s also natural that your own stuff comes up. This nifty little guide is here to help you centre them (because, with love, it’s not about you). And to give you the confidence to show up in ways that are useful and compassionate. 
 
Here’s what your person really needs from you.  

What they’re dealing with 

Cancer affects every corner of someone’s life. It comes with: 

• Appointments, scans and blood tests 
• Side effects like fatigue, nausea and brain fog 
• Immune vulnerability 
• Medication schedules 
• Paperwork and admin 
• Disrupted routines 
• Emotional overload 

Your support can help. Here’s how.

Your words are important and while we know that everyone’s different and there’s no perfect script, there are some phrases that tend to land better than others. 

Avoid saying: 

• “Let me know if you need anything” 
• “Stay positive” 
• “Everything happens for a reason” 
• “I know someone who had this and they were totally fine” 
• “You’re so strong, so brave, so inspiring” 
• “At least…” 

Try instead: 

• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” 
• “Let me take XXX off your plate this week.” 
• “Thinking of you, no need to respond.” 
• “I’m going to be here for you though this.” 

Practical ways to help 

Flowers are lovely but not particularly handy. What people really need is meaningful, compassionate help to get through the day to day. There are no formal services coming to walk the dog or change the bed sheets. The most useful thing you can do is offer specific, practical help. 

• Lifts to appointments 
• Waiting room company 
• Meals  
• Pharmacy runs  
• Errands 
• Childcare  
• Household jobs, especially on fatigue days 
• Low pressure check-ins 

One of the easiest, simplest and safest ways to ensure all needs are met and no one doubles up (no one family needs 8 lasagnes turning up in the same week), is the Gather My Crew app. Offer to set the app up for them (it’s quick, safe and simple). 

Be mindful of immune vulnerability 

Some treatments lower immunity, which makes even a small cold risky. Check before visiting and offer alternatives like doorstep deliveries, outdoor catch-ups or virtual calls. A simple “I’m cold free and RAT tested, would a visit help today?” goes a long way. 

The moments that matter most 

Scan days and results days are heavy. A message before and after can make them feel less alone. Add “no need to reply.” Remember the dates that live large for them: follow-up appointments, anniversaries etc. 

Consistency is everything 

Cancer is a marathon. Small, steady support makes the biggest difference. Keep showing up, offering specific, practical help. And remember, you can’t fix it. But you can make sure they don’t have to carry it alone.