How to maintain their sense of independence  

When someone we love is getting older and needs more support, the instinct is to jump in and help them. But help that takes over, even with the best intentions, can feel like a loss of independence, dignity and control. 

There’s a difference between doing something for someone, and something doing it with them. And for an older person who has spent a lifetime doing things independently, that difference can mean everything. 

A simple question to ask 

“Would you like me to do this with you, or would it help more if I just take care of it?” 

Doing it with them might look like: 

• Cooking a meal side by side 
• Accompanying them on a dog walk 
• Taking them to the shops so they can choose their groceries 

Doing it for them might look like: 

• Delivering a meal 
• Walking the dog for them 
• Picking up and dropping off groceries 

Neither is better than the other. It depends on the person, the task, and the day. The simple act of asking “with you or for you” respects their autonomy and reminds them that they are still in charge of their own life. That is not a small thing.